New Year – New Surrender

I heard him call my name from a distance. Even in the darkness, he could see me lying flat on the carpet of the library floor. Before the dawning light of a new day he rushed to my side and worriedly asked if I was okay. I answered in the affirmative, assuring him that I was only trying to stretch my aching back which had prevented me from sleeping. His deep concern for my well being – and the reality that a college kid could be roused out of bed early on a frigid vacation morning – was the exact thing that I needed to transform a painful night into an opportunity for hope.

Sometimes a new year arrives and one’s carefully laid out plans for a “better” tomorrow don’t always arrive with it. I may have temporarily felt this way due to the relentless back pain diverting my daily agenda. But upon serious reflection, I concluded that a mere date on a calendar should never influence anything as important as one’s outlook on life. In fact, one’s intention to live a happy, healthy and balanced life should be an ongoing affair, not just something that becomes consequential when a new year rolls around.

Stepping back and looking at my life from a different perspective helped me to identify the reasons behind this recent period of struggle. A busy holiday season which included: many December birthdays, trips to Nashville, Boston and Nantucket and hosting a family Christmas. While all of these events are wonderful things which I am truly thankful to have participated in, the reality is that I can’t keep going at this pace based on my back. So the question to myself is, “Will I succumb to the realities in my life and slow down or will I plow ahead in prideful arrogance pretending that I can do it all?”

I’ve been reading a lot of C.S. Lewis lately, and his thoughts on this matter have been just what I’ve needed to hear, “The proper good of a creature is to surrender itself to its Creator—to enact intellectually, volitionally, and emotionally, that relationship which is given in the mere fact of its being a creature. When it does so, it is good and happy.” It might sound backward to declare that happiness results from surrendering our lives to God but based on experience, I know this to be an absolute truth. Unfortunately, I just forget to live it at times. In fact, there is a person who would have turned 84 years old tomorrow, January 8, 2025 who taught me this truth better than anyone.

When Mom was diagnosed with inoperable cancer in 2016, she succumbed to the uncomfortable treatments with quiet surrender to the God she had loved and trusted for 72 years. By doing this, she demonstrated the healing power of a life lived in faith. Those last three years together included pain from the treatments but they also included a kind of joy that we had never experienced as a family. It could have been from the knowledge that Mom’s life was securely in the hands of God and we all felt that love. While difficult, it was good and we experienced moments of happiness because God was in control.

Thinking back to the concern which my son showed me in the early hours of a cold January morning, reminds me that God is in control of my life too. He sends me little reminders, like the love of a son. All I have to do is continue to surrender it all to Him daily, including my back pain. As the Creator, God is the one who knows me most intimately and wills my goodness and human flourishing. He wills the same for all of you too.

At the beginning of this new year, my prayer for all readers is to invite you to let go of your need to control and surrender each day to God. Only then will goodness and happiness follow.