Sense & Sensibility

This past Saturday, I spent most of the day with my patches set firmly on my eyes in order to block out all unwanted rays of light. Migraine headaches require this type of treatment – total darkness! After a few hours of boredom, I needed some diversion so I popped on a few Jane Austen movies. The clever storylines to which Austen is known took my mind off the pain for awhile. By the time Sense and Sensibility was underway, I became enchanted by the lovely manners and good-naturedness of most characters, especially the eldest daughter, Ms. Elinor Dashwood.

Under the spell of Austen’s pen, the main characters in this nineteenth century story exhibit a zeal for life, love and friendship. But what I appreciate most about this memorable tale was the forgiving and generous nature of Ms. Dashwood, a woman who always seemed to assume the best in people. I recall knowing someone quite like Ms. Dashwood in my own life.

I have no recollection of her making idle gossip or holding a grudge against anyone. I can’t think of a time when she spoke ill of a person. I don’t even remember a moment when she might have lost control for reasons of anger or betrayal. Now I know that she was a regular person, like all of us, and surely felt anger at various times in her life, but as her daughter, I truly don’t recall seeing it.

There is one particular time when she showed absolutely no ill will or anger toward a person who had wronged her greatly. Her inability to turn on this doctor has perplexed me for many years. Shortly before her cancer diagnosis, she felt quite poor often complaining of chest pain and incessant coughing. I later learned that my Dad had taken her to their primary care doctor many times only to be told that it was adult onset asthma. This went on for months. Eventually, this impatient doctor gave my Mom an inhaler (during his 2 day work week so he could set off for his vacation home on Martha’s Vineyard) and sent her on her way. It wasn’t until my sister, a nurse practitioner, returned home from London with her family and took one look at Mom that anything happened to diagnose her disease. My sister ordered a chest Xray and the rest you can say, is history. Mom was diagnosed with stage 4, non operable lung cancer which had metastasized to her brain (as a non smoker) and given months to live. Thankfully, with the love and support of family and gifted doctors at Dana Farber Medical Center, she lived 3 more beautiful years.

I’ve always been in awe of Mom’s ability to turn away from anger in that catastrophic situation. Instead, she turned toward love and a spirit of faith, hope and healing. When I asked her about it once she responded, “I want to live in happiness and peace, not rage and resentment, nothing good will come from the latter.” I learned so much from her over my lifetime and especially in the last few years of her incredible life. Like Ms. Dashwood, Mom accepted the way her life was, not the way she imagined it would be.

In the end, she returned home to God as the courageous, loving woman of faith that she was. Unfortunately, many of us can move away from this type of womanhood due to the real struggles and temptations in our world. But Mom’s life reminds us that unforgiving attitudes and bitterness have no useful place in our lives. These emotions never lead to peace, instead, they end up leaving us feeling deflated, more angry and hollowed out inside. I believe that we are called to live in a spirit of generosity and forgiveness which is only possible through faith and the merciful grace of God.

Perhaps you are struggling with anger and/or forgiveness issues lately? Why not pop on the movie Sense and Sensibility and be reminded of the importance of living a life which assumes the best in others? Or, you could offer some prayers for the situation/people you might be angry with and feel the love come rushing back into your soul as you offer real forgiveness from the bottom of your heart.